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9:44 a.m. - 2006-07-26
having what all?
Maybe I am too old or suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder brought on by raising two children alone, but when I read this in a mommy blog I started thinking,Ē Having what all?Ē

If by having it all you mean having kids, home, and a great career then tell me where I was supposed to sign up. I donít remember there being a sign up for that.

I didnít sign up for single parenting. It wasnít my idea at all. I wasnít even supposed to have kids until I was old, say about 35 or so. So where was that having it all when I needed it?

I thought I was doing okay just getting to work at my full time job and then coming home to a house that needed cleaning 24/7and putting supper on the table. I thought I was doing great getting two kids fed and cleaned up with clean clothes on their back and keeping the roof over their heads. So having it all is a foreign concept for me.

Maybe I should have hung out with women who sat around and compared pictures of their babies. Maybe I should have traded stories or clothes or something. I didnít have time to do all that. I didnít have the money for the fashion clothes or the money for the cappuccinos.

After I divorced their father I was in charge of everything from cleaning to paying the bills to making the income to finding the repair people to taking kids to doctors. I was the bad/good guy and the decision maker for everything. I had no one for back up and no one to turn to when I needed help. I was it!

It was up to me to see that the kids went to school, did their homework, and had cupcakes (store bought of course-who had time to bake?) for the class. It was my job to insure that they stayed healthy and didnít kill each other, themselves, or the dog. My job was to clean the house to make sure that the health department didnít come with child services and take them away. (Wait-that would have been a bad thing, right?)

I didnít have time to date, go out with the girls, or go on vacations. I didnít have time to think let alone breathe before one of my darlings was screaming at me full blast for some imagined slight or wrong doing. I didnít have time to sleep all night or take naps or even cat nap (hated that cat who could nap whenever).

IF you mean having it all by being able to raise two kids on my own with out killing them or myself then I had it all. IF you mean keeping the rent paid up and the bills paid on time then I had it all. IF you mean keeping the kids fed and clothed with only my pitiful income then I had it all. IF not? I didnít have time to have it all. I was way too busy to have anything let alone all. Give me a break people, there was no all!

Now that the kids are grown and gone I am too tired to have it all. Yes, I still work full time and yes the house still needs cleaning, just not 24/7. Itís peaceful and quiet now, no one yelling at me wanting this or needing that. You can keep your all. I will be here taking a nap on the sofa!

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