3:51 p.m. - 2006-01-09
damn june cleaver
I am relatively happy with my life. I say relatively because everything is relative for one thing, and secondly because anyone who knows me(and you don't know me like you think you know me) knows that I am not a person who is usually happy.
This is probably because of my shitty childhood and the abuse I suffered, but hell *shrugs shoulders* we all have our issues, don't we?
Like I said, I am relatively happy with my life. Except for one little tiny irritating thing that I haven't gotten rid of yet. I am working on it, believe me, but it ain't easy. After all, when you grow up programmed and brain washed it's hard to reprogram yourself. I'm woking on it though. That you don't have to worry about, I am working on it!
This one little irritating brain washing thing is what I like to call the June Cleaver Effect. You see, women of my generation grew up seeing and hearing everywhere they went and in everything they did that their one sole purpose in life was to grow up and get married and have kids. That was it! Ewwwwww!!!
So when things don't work out you are left with all this crappy guilt on why you weren't the perfect little housewife and mother like June Cleaver.
For those of you who don't know who June Cleaver is let me elaborate. June Cleaver was the perfect housewife characer on the TV show "Leave It To Beaver". It was a show about this kid nicknamed Beaver (for some reason I have forgotten why) and his adventures with life. He lived in a perfect little house with his perfect mother, father, and brother (Wally). It was a good show for its time I guess, but when you are a little girl raised on that drivel it messes you up when your own marriages don't work.
June Cleaver was perfect from the pearls around her neck right down to the high heels (who wears heels 24/7 for crying out loud) she wore all the time. She never worked outside the home, always wore a dress and makeup, and took care of all the cleaning and cooking. What a bunch of crap!
Don't get me wrong, it's a good story, but for me that is all it is. A story! Fantasy!
Now there may be people out there in the world somewhere that have a wonderful marriage and great serious relationships. I salute you! I am not one of them, however, and I am coming to terms with this. Like I said, I am breaking my brainwashing!
It ain't easy being green!
That last statement has nothing to do with this blog entry. I just like saying it.
Anywho, I am the kind of woman who doesn't need to keep the house and cook and all that crap. I am not even the type of woman who wants just one man for crying out loud. I like a variety of men.
Tall men, short men, young men, older men, and just men! They are one of my favorite things and I can walk by a man, get a whiff of his scent and just get damn wet. Ah, there is nothing like the scent of a man firstt thing in the morning. Nothing like it at all!
So, I am working on my brain washing and when I finally crack it I will be really happy. I started to type totally happy, but remembered I was talking about myself and decided to use really instead. I mean, I am talking about me after all and I do know me pretty well now.
