7:16 a.m. - 2006-04-11
what the hell is the deal?
I understand, to a point, why I am jealous, but it still doesn’t make any sense. I am seeing another person after all, so why should it bother me that D and C did it that night? Why? I don’t know, but I am pissed! I think it’s just human nature. Most of us are raised believing that we will find a spouse and live happily ever after. Programming! And it did happen all of a sudden. But to come to the meetup thinking she might get him again. Ha! Not with his wife, lover, and soon to be lover (who did not understand what was going on at first) there. Get in line bitch! LOL
It’s not like C and I are going to have any kind of serious thing going on. Neither of us wants that! I am still trying to convince myself that I don’t want a serious relationship. Deprogramming takes time. After all those years of June Cleaver type crap you just can’t stop not believing in the love thing even though you know that it doesn’t work for you. I tried it too many times and know it doesn’t work for me. I like variety too much and my space for me to put up with a man’s crap for too long. I can do bad by myself anyway. Sure as hell don’t need any help!
I also need to get out of the drama of the shop and its people. They are trying to drag me in! Eeek! I hate drama and have more than enough of my own to deal with. They can keep their petty crap to their self’s thank you very much! I don’t care who is doing what where or with whom. And C does need to get some balls for crying out loud. Tell everyone what you want and stand by it. Quit letting people, including me, tell you what you are going to do and who you are going to do it with. CRAP ON A CRACKER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
And now that I am thinking about it, either get out of that house and away from that woman or stay with her. You can’t have it both ways because she is going to continue controlling you until you take a stand! Be a grown man for once! *sigh*
I soooo need to get away and get some perspective on the people in my life! I might have to back away from some of them. I like C a lot and consider him one of my best friends, but the drama surrounding him seems to be of his making. Or at least the people he is afraid to back away from. He is so afraid of insulting people that he won’t make a decision and stand by it. I need to make a stand and do the same I think. People take me by surprise and I don’t have time to think of a reply. Crap!
This camping trip ought to be interesting.
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UPDATE
C called me and he was very upset on the way that D was acting and thought that I was mad at him. I told him that I am responsible for the way I feel and that it was my issue. We talked about the whole thing and laughed and at the end of our conversation he said he felt much better. I need to talk to him about K though. He said something about not going there and that would just be wrong. He needs to feel that he can do anything he wants because in all honesty he can. It's his life and I do not want to control him or anyone else for that matter.
If you really knew me then you would know that I cannot even control myself so why would I want to add to my problems by controlling someone else? What ever happened to acting like an adult? In fact, let's not act like adults, let's be adults. Sheesh!
Little missy D needs to stop her crap though. Oh yeah! lol She needs to stop or we will stop her ourselves. hee hee
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UPDATE 2
After thinking on it I think that if D tries anything like that again I will take her head off. hee hee I told C that if she showed up again and tried to act up I would stand between the two of them and back her down. See, I don't have a problem with making a scene in public when my friends are being messed with. I am still pissed that C was mad and upset. Damn D to hell anyway. What was she thinking treating him that way. That's okay though. It won't happen again if I am around. Nope! I take her head off! Wheeeeee!!!!
